


First Kisses

by Romennim



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Kissing, M/M, POV Second Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-15
Updated: 2013-02-15
Packaged: 2017-11-29 09:29:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/685430
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romennim/pseuds/Romennim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Exactly what the title says :)</p>
            </blockquote>





	First Kisses

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Italiano available: [Primi Baci](https://archiveofourown.org/works/685439) by [Romennim](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Romennim/pseuds/Romennim)



> **Beta:** [](http://inspired-being.livejournal.com/profile)[**inspired_being**](http://inspired-being.livejournal.com/)  

The first; or the one that was unexpected

  
The first time the two of you kiss - well, actually, it was Merlin who kissed you, but that detail doesn't really matter - is due to a dare, just three days after your awful manservant has been in your service.

You have just finished a drill with your knights and are taking off when you see the idiotic boy coming towards you. The expression on his face stops whatever comment you would have made and makes you instantly suspicious. You narrow your eyes at him. Merlin, with his big eyes widening, only says: “Just, please, don't kill me.”

This never promises anything good.

You're distantly aware of the maidens gathered beside the stables, giggling madly, and of the knights grinning broadly in a corner. You just wait where you are, watching Merlin's movements like a hawk, and realize too late that he has come too close.

Suddenly his blue eyes are right in front of yours, open and only a bit fearful, but with a strange glint in them. Then they're almost everything you can see. They don't stop coming towards you. Next, something soft presses against your mouth.

_Merlin's lips._

Your heart stops for a second, then starts beating madly. But Merlin is already pulling away, a shy and awkward smile on his face.

“Bet, sorry,” he says, as if it explained everything.

You're so shocked by the situation - by _yourself_ – that you react in the only way you know how. You pretend nothing was amiss and take your frustration at your reaction out on your manservant, at least a bit. After all, he deserves it. Totally.

“Idiot” you mutter and smack him on the head. “Go muck out the stables.”

The next morning, when Merlin finally shows up - late again - to help you into your armour, you ask him what the bet was about. You are not able to extract an answer from him.

The maidens giggle after you – more than usual – for at least two weeks.

-°-

 

The second; or the one that really wasn't

  
The next time it happens, the next time the two of you kiss, you're not very sure it happened at all. Well, you're pretty sure it happened, but you have doubts and Merlin didn't help you at all in driving them away. The boy is a terrible liar and that only convinces you more that you're right.

So, it happened during a normal banquet. The usual foreign dignitary to impress, with a stupid daughter trailing along; the usual Uther boasting about Camelot and his lands free from magic and his magnificent warriors; typical Morgana sitting in front of you looking haughty and mighty to avoid dreadful conversations; the usual Merlin at your back trying to spill wine on your shirt at every other minute.

You're finally fed up with his incompetence for the night and you're turning towards him, harsh words already on your tongue when, looking at him, you only focus on the lusciousness of his lips and the enchanting rosy colour of his cheeks and the maddeningly beautiful blue of his suddenly widening eyes. The words leave your mind and you only want to taste his mouth. You get up and move towards him, but you don't reach him because he's backing away from you and you can't let him get away. With a sudden movement you grab his arm and pull him towards you and then there's contact, touch, bliss. Then only darkness.

When you regain consciousness, you feel something warm and breathing underneath you. With shock – and a bit of horror – you realize you're sprawled out on someone. You try to lift yourself up a little, but when you move you feel a wave of dizziness and you wobble a bit. Suddenly two hands are on your shoulders, steading you. You open your eyes and gaze down: Merlin is lying under you, a look of concern on his face. You blink your eyes a few times, but he's still there. Why is he there? What happened?

You take a look around you and you see people in various compromising positions: Sir Leon half-lying on what seems to be a servant, a maiden half-undressed near a noble, and, oh my God, is that your father with the dignitary's stupid daughter?

You think you are scarred for life. If everyone weren't unconscious, you'd think it was an or-...

Oh God, you realize immediately, Merlin is under you and...

You look down at him and you notice the flush on his cheeks and the swollen lips and...

You're suddenly overwhelmed by shame and guilt. This is not how a knight should behave...

“Arthur.”

Merlin's voice snaps you out of your thoughts.

You swallow.

“Yes?” A pause. “Look, I don't know what happened exactly, but...”

You think you know exactly what happened here, but you don't know why and, even if the whisper of _magic_ is beginning to swirl in your head, you hope you didn't do too much damage. After all, you're still both dressed, contrary to some people in the room, so maybe you didn't have too much opportunity to behave badly.

But you're the one on top, and you know what you have to say.

“I'm sorry for whatever I did to you.”

Merlin gives you a stunned look, but smiles.

“Don't worry. I think it was some sort of magic. It hit you too, when you tried to stand up, I think, because you began to fall. I tried to catch you, but you were too heavy and fell onto me, making us stumble onto the floor.”

You give him a look. Yes, he's really a terrible liar. But you decide to let it go for now, since he looks okay and not freaked out.

You stand up and look around. People are beginning to regain consciousness and you decide to help whoever seems to be having problems because they're trapped by someone too heavy for them to move on their own.

You don't look at Merlin again until much later that night when he helps you bath.

You're enjoying the hot water and recall the events of the day. You smirk, thinking about the look of horror your father got when he realized who exactly was in his lap. Just that made him shout out capital punishment for whoever had done that treacherous display of magic.

You still don't know who the culprit is, but you aren't too worried. After all, nothing really bad actually happened; whatever it was just left behind a lot of embarrassed people and awkward conversations.

You dart a look at your manservant, who is trying to polish your boots sitting beside your desk. He seems okay, almost too serene. You still haven't asked him anything specific about today and you are reluctant to breech the topic. You really don't want to know why you feel this way, though that is probably because you know, deep down, that you did something you shouldn't have, and you'd like – _need_ – to know.

You try to be nonchalant.

“Are you okay?” you almost whisper, wanting and also not wanting to be heard at the same time.

Merlin's head shoots up, blue eyes boring into your own. You don't understand the sudden tension that you feel growing in the room. Merlin just licks his lips and drops his gaze.

“Yes, I'm okay. Why?”

And here it is; the difficult part.

“You didn't tell me what you remember of the banquet.”

“Beside you being a prat about how incompetent I was in pouring your wine?”

A slight smile can be seen on his lips.

“ _Merlin,_ ” you almost growl. You hate when he tries to play dumb. You know he's not, even if you pretend otherwise. It's almost like an unspoken agreement only you know about, because surely Merlin behaves as if you know – or notice – nothing.

Merlin must have sensed the warning behind your tone because he stops what he's doing and you see a tightening of his lips.

“I already told you what I remember, Arthur.”

And so he has decided to continue lying. Well, okay. You will go on pretending you believe him.

But the image of his swollen lips, of his body alive and breathing under you, follows you into your dreams.

-°-

 

The third; or the one that happened because someone is an accident-prone idiot

  
Okay. At first, maybe, you were too quick in labelling him a stumbling idiot. You should have, at least in your head, given him a chance to prove himself. To prove that he could walk in a straight line without tripping over himself or walk with something heavy in his arms without stumbling down the stairs. You thought he was just, you don't know, maybe unused to his new life? A life with four walls and different tasks to attend to.

Well, it seems you were wrong. Yes, he's just so... so... idiotically clumsy. You should just accept it.

And even if that means you won’t stop teasing him mercilessly, you're, most of the time, amused by him. That’s if his clumsiness doesn't cause you to be late to a meeting with your father or to a training session with your knights. In those cases, another cleaning of the stables is only expected by now.

Merlin is like a jester hired for free, giving spectacle of himself at random, which are, almost always, welcome.

What you didn't foresee was a situation where his epic clumsiness could put you in a very compromising – and tempting – position, because, really, you have stopped lying to yourself: there's something in Merlin that attracts you in a way you've never felt before. There's just so much trust in his eyes, so much loyalty in his actions, so much tenderness in taking care of you when you're hurt, so much sincerity when he argues with you about the welfare of Camelot's people, that you can't deny your growing feelings anymore.

Dear gods, even his clumsiness begins to seem endearing!

You're doomed, and you know it.

But that doesn't mean you'll do something about it. You're honourable and it doesn't matter what you want. You won't put Merlin in that situation. If he wants it, he will be the one to do something. He's the vulnerable party and you the one with power. It's only fair.

But what can you do when temptation is shoved in front of you, almost down your throat?

You're only human after all.

Anyway, you're still surprised by Merlin's stumbling abilities. After all, you were standing beside your bed, gazing down at the courtyard - and you still don't know how - but suddenly you were on the floor, a panting Merlin on top of you.

When your head caught up onto the situation, you felt yourself freeze and lie still, feeling Merlin breathing deeply upon you, his body a delicious weight pinning you down.

You could have moved him (you are stronger than him) but in reality, it was the blue of his eyes that was keeping you down, entranced. You didn't dare to move, and he just lay there, staring at you.

You don't know why or how, but after seconds or minutes, Merlin moved and he didn't do it to stand up, but to let his head go down. As your heart started racing, you felt that slight pressure on your mouth that you haven't felt since that fateful day of the dare and for a blissful moment you enjoyed the soft sensations of those full lips on yours.

And then Merlin was moving away, standing up and giving you a hand to stand up. He mutely turned towards the bed where a pile of clothes was waiting to be mended. Usually Merlin complained about how much you ruined your clothes during training but this time he didn't utter a word. He just sat in the chair and began working.

You watched in silence, not knowing if you should say something or not. You wanted to follow Merlin's lead: after all, didn't you resolve to let him decide?

But this was confusing. After that kiss, what did this silence mean?

You just decided to follow Merlin's example and don't say anything, choosing to lie down on the bed, so you wouldn't spend the entire afternoon watching Merlin for clues.

He didn't say anything, nor did he do anything else for that day. Or the days after.

And you respected his decision.

-°-

 

The fourth; or the one done for the wrong reasons

  
You're angry. No, you're mad, furious, going to explode.

Okay, you have finally accepted Merlin didn't want to tell you about the magic. You have accepted that he has unconsciously decided you had to find out by yourself. You have accepted that _you_ had to begin the conversation about magic. After all, you were the one who wanted – needed - the confirmation. And you have accepted the magic itself. Really, you have. And it hasn't even been very hard.

You noticed the little things at first; the bath never cooling, the fire always popping even with almost no wood left. Stupid things really, which should just make you angrier at Merlin for being so careless for menial things. Then you noticed the subtle aid while battling monsters or bandits. After that, you couldn't not notice the help while fighting the dangerous and evil sorcerers. That was really impossible to miss with your eyes opened.

Even if you knew the help was necessary, that didn't mean you were happy knowing how much danger Merlin was in. Knights were always around, people were always mingling somewhere. There were eyes everywhere, probably. Merlin had to be careful and had to do nothing when you could handle the problems yourself. He had to.

And that is why, now, you're so mad, so furious. The little help you got in the throne room, dear gods, in front of your _father_ , was not needed. Merlin had just risked death for nothing. Nothing!

How can you bear the thought of him being in constant danger in Camelot if Merlin isn't able to at least try to hide his abilities?

How could you stop fearing every damn minute that Merlin might be discovered if the man himself is being so careless?

If not for himself, he should do it for _your_ sanity!

And now you're mad and you don't know how to let go of this ugly feeling eating at your chest. But gods, he has been so stupid!

You should go down to the training field and fight. That is what you should do. But for some reason, instead of heading for the stairs that lead outside the castle, you go straight to your rooms. You almost don't expect Merlin to follow you, but he does. And then you remember you have ordered him – with quite a harsh voice, flinching as you suddenly recall, – to come with you.

And you know you shouldn't talk to him in the state you are in, but you can't help yourself, you're just too angry, too scared.

“Don't you dare do something like that again!” you whisper in a deadly voice. “Am I understood?”

Merlin, who until that moment hasn't lifted his gaze from the floor, suddenly glares at you.

“You can't ask that of me.” he replies, look fierce.

“It was stupid, Merlin! Stupid and unnecessary!”

He takes a step towards you.

“My duty, my destiny, is to protect you! You can't ask me to stand down when there's danger for me!”

“There was no need for you to intervene, Merlin! If my father, for some god's gift, hadn't been turned the other way, he would have seen you! And you know where you would be right now?”

Merlin glares at you.

“I had to!”

At that a wave of anger rushes through you. Why? Why can't he see it?

And then you do something you promised yourself you wouldn't.

You have too much anger still running through you and the truth is that you've never really learned to control it without a physical outlet. Your outlet has always been fighting because no other feeling but anger was involved.

But now, anger is not alone. There is also fear and desire. So, what do you do?

You grab his shirt, pull him forcefully against your chest and kiss him.

The kiss is brutal, angry and aggressive. It's to make him learn something, not to share, and so it is what a kiss shouldn't be: a punishment. For him, who is stupid and careless and under your skin once and for all. And for you, because you want him so much and are insecure because he doesn't do anything to erase, at least, your fear of not being wanted back.

Your mouth and tongue are almost violent against his and when you hear a whimper coming from him, you realize what you're doing and push him away.

You turn, giving him your back, and place your hands on your face. Gods, what have you done?

Now your shame is complete: you have attacked him to make a point, just because you were angry, and you have taken away his choice of making the first move, as you promised you would.

Gods, don't you have respect for him, for yourself?

“Arthur.”

The soft, pleading tone in that voice makes you feel even more ashamed.

You can't face him now. Yes, you're a coward, but you can't. Not in this state of mind.

“Go to your room, Merlin.”

“But...”

“Go, Merlin.”

You hear a shuffle behind you and then the door opening and closing.

You close your eyes for a moment and then turn; the room is empty and suddenly the flask of wine seems very tempting. You drink yourself to sleep.

-°-

 

The fifth; or the one that was the beginning

  
The day has been tiring. First, a patrol near the border of Cendred's kingdom, then a fight with a few bandits. Nothing serious, but they were well prepared. Your men have been caught by surprise, but handled the situation well after the initial difficulties.

And now you're standing on one of the walls of the castle, gazing down at Camelot and its people and its lands. The sun is slowly setting and the low light gives everything a magical air, shining on the roofs, on the trees and on the water of the rivers.

You hear someone approaching and then stop near you. You turn your gaze slightly to the newcomer, already knowing who it is. Merlin is just beside you, looking down at the village. Then he turns his gaze towards you.

The sunlight that shines on his hair and his face is a sudden play of light and shadow. His blue eyes sparkle in the sunset.

Your breath catches in your throat and you stare.

Merlin's eyes lock with yours and then he leans towards you. You feel his breath on your lips. Next, his tongue is tracing your mouth. You just stand there for a moment, not believing it is finally happening.

Your heart is a drum in your chest and you ache to touch him.

-°-

 

The sixth; or the one that was right

  
As Merlin begins to withdraw, a shattered look on his face, you slide a hand behind his neck and pull him gently towards you.

Your lips meet again and this time your kiss is full of just what it was meant to be: loyalty, trust, sincerity, friendship, care. Simply, it is love.

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on April 26th, 2011


End file.
